Anger


Spouses feel threatened when their mates are angry. Some feel threatened for their safety. 

Most of us have felt that anger is a threat to our marriage, and it is. Anger verifies a that a line has been crossed. 
Sometimes that line is legitimate, sometimes it is not. 
Also, anger kills marriages because it kills spouses. One 1985 study said that 9% of murders were by spouses.
(1985 was the year my wife and I married). 

For some, anger is a management tool. When a person is married to a coward, anger is an ideal way to control one’s spouse. 
Consider this from the Old Testament: Psalm 86:15: 
“But You, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abundant in lovingkindness and truth.” 

This says God is slow to anger. Why is God slow to anger? 
Because He is not scared of anyone. 
God is not scared for His own future. 
What can anyone do to God? 
Nothing. 
So then, He has no reason to fear anyone. Quick anger serves Him no purpose.  
The next time there is quick anger in your marriage, ask the question, “Who is afraid of what?” 

Is anger ever justified? Of course it is, but do a reality check before jumping off the deep end.

Here is one quote from the New Testament, and one from the Old Testament: 
James 1:19-20:  Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; 
   for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. 
Proverbs 16:32:  Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit (is better) than he who takes a city. 


Boycotts

We know there are boycotts in marriage, both from the man and from the woman. 
Being a man, I will naturally speak about sexual boycotts by the wife when something upsets her. 

For some women, a boycott is proof of repulsion or a last-resort for major difficulties, 
while other wives use boycotts like a remote control device. 
So how should a husband respond? What are his options? 

First, let us define the phrases ‘marital fidelity’ and ‘marital infidelity’. 
In my opinion marital fidelity has two manifestations: 
1) Not having sex with other people 
2) Having sex with your spouse. 

Likewise, marital infidelity has two manifestations: 
1) Having sex outside the marriage. 
2) Sexually boycotting one's spouse. 

Here are a couple of options: 

What if, the affected husband responded with a boycott of his own; say, boycotting a relationship with his in-laws? 
What if the husband told the wife, “When you want nothing to do with me, I want nothing to do with your family. 
I made no vows to them when I married you. I owe them nothing but to love you. 
If you don’t love me, then they and I have no reason to see each other. 
If I don’t have your ‘skirt’, how do I have your heart? 
Tell me why I am so unimportant to you.” 

The second option involves legal separation for sexual abandonment. Here is what the New Testament says about marital separation: 
1 Corinthians 7:10-11 “To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.” 

Previous Abuse

Some women were abused earlier in life, and don't like being touched.  Yet, they marry because they want a child. 
I feel as sorry for the misused husband as I do the formerly-misused woman. 
The husband too, is being abused. And so will any son she has. 
If she hates men that much, how can she genuinely love a son who grows up to be a traditional man?
Perhaps this is where some of the young transgenders are coming from.

Eric J. Rose 
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