I was bouncing around the Internet a while back and decided to see what other men’s man-caves look like.
I was surprised. There is a lot of female anger on this topic.
A man-cave gives a man a place to go where things are arranged his way, where his stuff is safe and secure.
So what is wrong with this? Here are a couple of thoughts.
A man alone in his cave is away from his family.
If a woman works outside the home, it appears that the husband is evading family life.
There is still supper to get, housekeeping to do, clothes to wash, baths to give, homework to manage and kids to put to bed.
The wife feels abandoned.
If the wife is a fulltime homemaker, she also feels abandoned.
If the husband goes into his man cave to relax, etc. then he contributes nothing but his income and perhaps lawncare.
He is like a paying tenant that expects sex too.
Some men were raised by their mothers, without male influence or support.
They may think all this is the woman’s job, and expecting anything from them might stir their conscience about their fathers' failures.
The truth be known, the husband should put as many hours into the marriage as does the wife, if she is emotionally balanced, and doesn’t wax the water heater and sterilize the vacuum cleaner after each use.
But listen, this is less about being a good husband and also about being a good father.
A lot of bonding and mentoring opportunities and memories are forfeited by cave-men.
Prison inmates send more Mother's Day cards than Father's Day cards.
On the other side of the coin, men need a space they can claim, because of the way women judge each other.
Hear me out. One way a woman gets points with other women is by eliminating any evidence in the house that she has a husband.
The house is emasculated of any male items. Her wedding ring, photos on the wall are the only evidence that she is married.
This is scarcely an exaggeration in some homes.
Second, some men might help more if everything didn’t have to be done the wife’s way.
This why some men refuse to help; they’re treated as indentured servants. The woman thinks for whatever reason, that she is the only one who knows how to vacuum a carpet or cook a meal.
Some women get crazy on the minutia of keeping a home.
One husband on the internet said, "Before I married, I didn't know there was a wrong way to put milk in the fridge."
Socks should be sorted but don’t need to be ironed.
My wife wipes and rinses all the dishes before she puts them in the dishwasher. And waits till she has a full load.
I wash the dishes in the sink as I cook and don’t use the dishwasher. I never run out of dishes.
Women need to understand that the most important person in relation to her home is not her mothers and sisters that critique her,
or friends that applaud her, but her husband, who does more than any outsider to provide for and maintain their home.
So, do I have a man cave?
Yes. I finished our basement when the oldest kids hit their teenage years, and it was their territory; bedrooms, bathroom and family room.
When they all moved out, I decorated it in ‘early baby-boomer’ style.
But while the kids were home, I was upstairs.
Don't Tell Me
I feel sorry for the husbands whose wives publicly declare that their children are the most important things in their life.
I love my kids, but I wouldn’t commandeer a woman’s entire life just to have kids.
Children are the result of marriage, a benefit of marriage, and one of the joys of marriage.
But kids are not the main reason for marriage.
I told my wife never to tell me if she thinks her children are the most important part of her life.
That would be so demeaning.
Eric J. Rose