This is short and sweet.
Children of divorce often have problems in their own marrriages, because they didn't have a workable pattern to copy.
They just don't know how to read the compass to tell which path is best for their marriage.
And often the chiidren of divorce are the most sure they are right.
I have seen this behavior.
But just because someone knows what's wrong, doesn't mean they know what's right.
What seems to be the exact opposite of a terribly wrong may, not be perfectly right; it may be another type of wrong.
Imagine a family who lived on the equator, whose lifelong goal was to see the North Pole.
They traveled west on the equator, but never reached the North Pole. They failed.
Their children grew up. One decided to continue that quest, but after her parents' failure, she takes a different approach.
She decide to travel east...on the same equator. She is doing almost opposite of her parents, yet she is also bound to fail.
Ironically, even if she were to head due south and stay on that path around the globe, she would succeed.
If you are an adult child of divorce, now married, you may not know your head from a hole in the ground about having a good marriage.
You may need two or three long-married mentors (of both genders) so you can get feedback on your marriage.
And let your spouse be heard.
The loudest people are often the most wrong.
The Golden Rule in Marriage
If the Golden Rule applies to all areas of life, then there is surely a way to use it in marriage.
How should a husband treat his wife? How does he want his sisters, and daughters treated by their husbands?
How should a wife treat her husband? How does she want her brothers and sons treated by their wives?
Wives have the right to ask their husbands, "Is this the way you would want your sister treated?
Husbands have the right to ask their wives, "Is this the way you would want your brother treated?
Ironically, when one spouse treats the other spouse poorly, the children can learn and duplicate this behavior, either as aggressors or as victims.
Eric J. Rose